Measurement and Scales

And I was weighed that day silently. I could tell from the look in your eyes that there was something wanting. That among all my freckles and hair, my graces, you had segmented me out into black and red lines. I was missing the parts that mattered most to you. I was absent of the things that you had hoped for. The things I did have, were… just…not enough. I was at a loss of course, because that phantom invisible scale had found me again. The one that everyone uses but doesn’t like to talk about at parties. I was ranked in each category unbeknownst to me, while dinner was being served. I was given a grade next to each on the list. But those numbers, they just didn’t add up for me. I had a remainder you see, I didn’t fit in those clean cut boxes. I spilled over and out of some and I barely filled the box on others. I was a recipe all gone wrong, and you were expecting a culinary masterpiece. I was a disappointment. The weights were heavy and not in my favor. The saddest part, the scales you use and those boxes you fill will never really equal the happiness you seek. But, yours truly with my remainders, my frizz, and my half full boxes will be all the better for it. Thats a sum you can’t figure with numbers and scales.

I apologize for my hiatus. Sometimes it is important to reflect and I needed time to do that.

New Year Cliche

I have been ready for the New Year since the start of last month. Perhaps it was the minor car crash I got into the week of Thanksgiving that started it off? Or maybe it was the insane chaos at work that didn’t seem to end until New Years Eve? Or the holidays having their usual anxiety and over consumption of food? Either or any of these could be the catalyst but I think the actual reason is it finalizes the year. I’m not going to bore you with the “new year new me” shtick. The ending of last year and the start of this one allows for everyone who had set backs or plans on improvements to feel hopeful. Plain and simple. Even if that positivity only lasts a month. I am sure many people in life have wanted a second chance or a chance to start with a clean slate, the New Year is an iconic symbol of that. Sadly, yes I am no exception to this hope. But, when I evaluate the past pitfalls of the previous year or mistakes I have made I am realistic. I will always like cake, I drink coffee with too much sugar, and I will always enjoy a quiet evening at home. So my goals for this year are simple. I am going to continue forward, with the potential promise of good things to come. And frankly how can anyone expect more than that? ❤️ image