Measurement and Scales

And I was weighed that day silently. I could tell from the look in your eyes that there was something wanting. That among all my freckles and hair, my graces, you had segmented me out into black and red lines. I was missing the parts that mattered most to you. I was absent of the things that you had hoped for. The things I did have, were… just…not enough. I was at a loss of course, because that phantom invisible scale had found me again. The one that everyone uses but doesn’t like to talk about at parties. I was ranked in each category unbeknownst to me, while dinner was being served. I was given a grade next to each on the list. But those numbers, they just didn’t add up for me. I had a remainder you see, I didn’t fit in those clean cut boxes. I spilled over and out of some and I barely filled the box on others. I was a recipe all gone wrong, and you were expecting a culinary masterpiece. I was a disappointment. The weights were heavy and not in my favor. The saddest part, the scales you use and those boxes you fill will never really equal the happiness you seek. But, yours truly with my remainders, my frizz, and my half full boxes will be all the better for it. Thats a sum you can’t figure with numbers and scales.

I apologize for my hiatus. Sometimes it is important to reflect and I needed time to do that.

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Dairy Entry 102: Target you get me

Ohhh Target… you get me! I don’t know how you know me so well but you do. I have discovered a good portion of people including my boyfriend are unfamiliar with it’s glistening “golden ticket” quality but for me it brings about the nostalgia of Bradlees, Ames, or Caldor. I realize those name drops are giving my age away but in comparison I am not far off. The presentation of the aisles the red colors all remind me of entering Bradlees or Ames and thinking“ I can get everything I need right here.”

Case in point: It is the only store I can go in for two items and leave with a cart full of stuff wondering did I forget anything? The other day I went into target for soap, some makeup, and a jacket and left with Christmas ornaments, plates, food, pants, and socks. I felt good about it though, like I was productive. I swear they release positive vibes from the air vents or something as soon as you pass that cute dog mascot on the way in.

Why do I love them so much? They anticipate and know my needs instantly I mean example one: dinner plates. I didn’t mean to get plates but as I was rolling by to get my bagels I noticed the winter theme set up. On an end cap I saw these plates with prancing reindeers and thought to myself “ wow do I have winter plates at home?” “What if I need these?” Clearly a concern around this time of year with entertaining. I stared at the display and wondered “ what about bowls?” Wait a minute look at this matching bowls and obviously you cant have plates without matching bowls right? I mean who wants to put out a nice spread for the holidays with friends without matching bowls? The answer folks is, no one. I glance at the napkins and I resist thinking to myself “ don’t get ahead of yourself you have wonderful gold napkins you don’t need those.” Oh but look at these goblets? Well, heck I know I don’t have goblets. I mean if I am going to get the plates I clearly need these goblets. I just kept thinking of how useful they are, for beverages like mulled cider, frappes, iced tea, and look how nice they are? I mean, four goblets thats not a lot right? I mean when I get right down to brass tax all those cups I’ve thrown out over the years probably bought these goblets 10 times over, it’s a done deal in my cart they go.

They know that I had more of my list than I had originally written down example two: Bargain bins in the front. I don’t know what it is about me and crafts but I love them. Perhaps in another piece I will enlighten you with my withdrawals from Michaels but for now, bins. I love those things! I usually shop there first. I mean where else can I find cute little cut outs and stuff for a 5 bucks or less? I know my dollar store fans are going to cry out but have you tried the cut outs from the dollar store? Some of them are not even worth the dollar. I decided like last year I am making my own Christmas tags, so clearly these cute cut outs are key. Oh snap, they have bottles of Mod Podge? Well, I mean I don’t even think I have any at home so these two bottles are going in my cart. Woah what is this? Ceramic little houses for painting or for decorating? Ohhh Target you…you are good. I have many of those plug in houses at home, but the issue is many of them are targets for my cats. Apparently my furry friends decide to demolish my little village by crushing my trees and trying to bite through the cords. But these little houses, small enough to fit on my mantle and I can put a flameless votive inside! Okay calm down just get one, I mean you have to pace yourself.

Sighs Something that matters to me is neatness with the stores, and variety and so Example three: variety. Look, I am well aware that most don’t appreciate like I do variety in lactose free milks but for me that is key. I have found more choices for flavored almond, soy, and cashew milk at Target than I have at a local grocery store. It doesn’t stop there though they always have more options for household products, beauty products etc. I don’t want to make a bunch of stops to find the products I need, and often Target has items I need that other stores don’t.

After my plate purchase I got home and realized not only do I not have enough room to entertain people but I don’t know enough I want to entertain. Eh it is the thought that counts. If I go back there I will just return the items and think“ do I have ritz crackers at home?” Then before you know it I have small serving plates with little cheese knives and fancy cheese. I’m not saying that I have done this I am just giving you an example. (Right!) I am embracing what is I love Target and there is nothing I can do about it. Target you complete me.

 

Feature Image Courtesy of: http://www.fullredneck.com/funny-target-memes-buying-too-much/

Homage: Deuxième Partie

The conclusion of my Poem Alzheimer’s (My Homage to The Wasteland)

Part III

“I never meant to cause you trouble, I never meant to cause you harm…”

The dream is real
The danger is near
I am in the tempest of fear
I walk in and there she is
Radio is alive and she’s on the floor
Maybe this too is a dream,
Maybe I am insane?
No one believes me
“I am what I am, I’ll do what I want…I can’t hide…I won’t go…I can’t breathe..”
She is gone in the white van with lights
I am left lost
I know this is the beginning
Of the end.

In and out she goes
Where she stops no one knows
Nursing home, place, assisted living
All adjectives I am sick of
All lost their feeling
Locked ones unlocked ones,
Doors with locks but no key
My mind is a swirl
Why so many times?
Why so many places?
“You used to speak so easy…your afraid to talk to me….it’s like walking with the wounded… out there with the wounded… and were missing you…”
My life is a tempest,
I am the continent being battered
By the storm
My personal El Nino

“Sometimes it takes a long time for the candle to burn out… sometimes it takes a long time for the bird to fly the coup.” (CAH)
I sit there in the dark
Listening to her chat
She and I are from the same cloth
Same blood, same bone
We were on the same page always
But now things are different
The pages are ripped and torn
The book works backwards
Erasing words, thoughts, hopes
I race to read its contents
All that’s left is lost phrases to a song
In my mind I recall a time when we read it together
I am left to read it alone.
The book of life is mine to discover

I walk alone now on this road
With her notes in my head
And his words in my heart
Why can’t I replay time?
I wonder if the choices I make are right
Would they exclaim “Oh, NO!”
Would they say “it will be alright ?”
Time will tell for me
If this book is the one that will save me
Or damn me.
I fill its pages now with hope.

 

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Notes from the Writer: The music mentioned helped form the backdrop for this piece. In Loving Memory of CAH

  1. Christmas in Killarney – Bing Crosby
  2. White Christmas -Bing Crosby
  3. Cheek to Cheek – Fred Astaire
  4. Trouble – Coldplay
  5. Here with me – Dido
  6. Wounded – Third Eye Blind

 

How do I plan my blog post?

A good friend of mine asked me last week how do you plan a post for your blog? In the beginning when I started this journey I would try and write on the fly. I picked a topic out of my head at random and posted based on that topic. I would say this came with mixed results. Now that I have been posting for some time now, a tool that helps me is my chart and my Happy Planner.

I know that they have fancy charts online to use but I have been using a simple chart I made myself in Word. It is something I used when I was in college and I found it useful for my writing. The chart is like a web or a spider with the center circle being the main topic. Then each line coming off of the middle another topic or subject goes in the attached shape in this case a circle. I have simplified this one but any number of subcategories or shapes can be added.

 

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I love my Happy Planner. When I started writing I was using a regular agenda book, and although it was okay, the space wasn’t enough for my taste. Happy Planner is great for me because of all of the areas it allows me to write in ideas or topics for my blog. It is like a regular planner with a calendar, but it allows you to put in inserts for notes, graphs, pictures etc. I am a very visual person so when I am out I add little inspirational quotes to keep my mind open to new ideas.

 

I think the most challenging part of blogging is staying true to your goal you set for yourself. I have really seen my progress throughout this process. I feel that I have grown not only as a person but as a writer. I am excited to continue along this path and see where I end up.
Disclaimer: I am not receiving any payment from Happy Planner. I just enjoy using this journal and I am excited to share my success with others. If you are interested in the Happy Planner there are plenty of photos on Pinterest to look at for ideas.